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Blast
General
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Joined: Sep 20, 2003
Posts: 5469
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 Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 7:38 am Post subject: |
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Just like the drunk who arrives at the Police station with a set of car keys in his hand
He says to the officer in charge
"Offichhser, shomebody has schtolen ma car"
To which the officer replies... "look at you, look at the state you are in, man, you are a mess, look, even your fly is undone"
"Jeez" says the drunk "shomebody hashstolen me girlfriend as well"
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Blast aka Bill Gray
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OJ_did_it
Major
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Joined: Nov 13, 2004
Posts: 1059
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OJ_did_it
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Zin
Lieutenant
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Joined: Jan 07, 2005
Posts: 166
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| Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 9:46 am Post subject: |
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lilliebet, Yup, it's hard stuff, need to say it, sometimes anyways, then move on....
thanks. take care, okay?
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Zin
Lieutenant
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Joined: Jan 07, 2005
Posts: 166
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| Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 10:38 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Just like the drunk who arrives at the Police station with a set of car keys in his hand |
and a DUI he could get, without even driving!
Learned that in traffic school today. 
Keys in hand, walking towards your car, or standing by it, is considered intent to drive while under the influence.
This is a good one: 
One student in the class (said she was an artist) evaded a ticket by telling the cop
she uses the huge pile of empty beer cans she had in her back seat for art materials.
He let her go.
Yup! Here's a few more that surprised me...
Sleeping it off in your parked car - DUI.
Sitting on a stump with your keys in hand, in front of the bar. Going no place. DUI.
Even drinking in your own home - let's say you decide to go fetch the mail. So you hop in the car and drive down your private driveway to your mailbox. DUI.
But, everybody can drink freely anywhere in a motor home, while it's moving, except the driver.
Same with a limo. But not in a van or SUV. 
(well, I knew that one.)
How do ya like this one -
There are only two things that can be thrown from a vehicle and not considered littering:
water and chicken feathers. That's right.
Check your feather content before doing any of that.
Turkey and goose is gonna cost ya.
pluck pluck pluck pluck pluck pluck  pluck pluck pluck pluck pluck pluck
(these are California laws, btw)
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JoeKerr
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Joined: Apr 11, 2004
Posts: 429
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 1:18 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks again Dave.
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Please respond to your topic, whether things worked or not.
Why not start Folding?
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Mere_Mortal
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Joined: Apr 10, 2004
Posts: 4191
Location: Kidderminster
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| Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 7:23 pm Post subject: |
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Talking of dupes, I inadvertently went to reply to one yesterday and was told only Moderators can post to the forum  Does that always happen with posts marked as a dupe?
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Blast
General
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Joined: Sep 20, 2003
Posts: 5469
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| Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 7:45 pm Post subject: |
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No, it doesn't mean that at all. Dupe means that the post has been posted twice and this particlular one needs removing
Some forums such as the Help Me forum is restricted to Mods to keep the posts in there on subject
There is no similarity to the two actions
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Blast aka Bill Gray
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Mere_Mortal
1st Responder
Joined: Apr 10, 2004
Posts: 4191
Location: Kidderminster
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| Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 7:52 pm Post subject: |
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This was in General Computing though. It was marked as a dupe, and wouldn't let me respond to it. But it might have been specifically altered by a Mod cos the guy did post the same topic to about four different sub-forums 
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MrPatLarge
Captain
Premium Member
Joined: Nov 23, 2004
Posts: 744
Location: Huntsville, AL, USA
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| Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 10:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Zin wrote: |
(these are California laws, btw) |
Now I understand, everything with the exception of the feathers!!!!
I could come up with a lot of answers, but I am afraid I would be faaar from politically correct!! 
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MrPatLarge
Captain
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Joined: Nov 23, 2004
Posts: 744
Location: Huntsville, AL, USA
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| Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 10:37 pm Post subject: |
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TOP 5 SMART ASS ANSWERS FOR 2004--according to Reader's Digest:
Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure
gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a
beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
Smart Ass Answer #4: A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She
asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys ! get any bigger?" The stock boy
replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Smart Ass Answer #3: The cop got out of his car and the kid who was
stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all
day" the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without
a ticket.
Smart Ass Answer #2: A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A
sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is
right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up
for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips&n! bsp; and says, "Got
stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out
of gas."
AND NOW........FOR ..............THE..........
#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2004:
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class,
I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in
your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass
guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say
if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual
exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When
silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes
her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with
your other hand."
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taz71498
Forums Admin
Premium Member
Joined: Jan 30, 2004
Posts: 20096
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| Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 10:45 pm Post subject: |
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10 green bottles a'hangin on the wall
10 green bottles a'hangin on the wall
and if one green bottle should accidently fall
there'll be 9 green bottles a hanging on the wall
9 green bottles a'hangin on the wall
9 green bottles a'hangin on the wall
and if one green bottle should accidently fall
there'll be 8 green bottles a hanging on the wall
8 green bottles a'hangin on the wall
8 green bottles a'hangin on the wall
and if one green bottle should accidently fall
there'll be 7 green bottles a hanging on the wall ................
Look like it is my 1 year anniverary here.
I think it is time for a drink or two.
Just think, came here a year ago for help and I am still here. Wow!
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Mere_Mortal
1st Responder
Joined: Apr 10, 2004
Posts: 4191
Location: Kidderminster
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MrPatLarge
Captain
Premium Member
Joined: Nov 23, 2004
Posts: 744
Location: Huntsville, AL, USA
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| Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 10:54 pm Post subject: |
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A year....that makes you an OLD TIMER here doesn't it?
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taz71498
Forums Admin
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Joined: Jan 30, 2004
Posts: 20096
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good stuff, that last one is particularly amusing 
